Been doin’ a lot of thinking….

Which is why I haven’t been doing a lot of writing.

So my story as of right now is that I’m stuck at an all time high weight of 172 lbs (it really does make me nauseous saying that out loud), not eating very well, and not exercising. Yup, there it is. 

I joined weight watchers, again, a few weeks ago. I counted points for about 2 weeks, and stopped. I realized something- I do NOT want to follow weight watchers or count points. Not now, not ever again. I realize I despise it. It DOES work for some people, don’t get me wrong. But it definitely was steering in the wrong direction of less than healthy foods to eat, as long as it was zero or low point foods. The unlimited fruit, or unlimited anything, was definitely NOT anything good for me. Whoa, like the opposite of good for this glutenous over eater. And frankly, it takes me right back to seventh grade, when my battle with my weight started, and while it sometimes feels good and comforting, lately it’s just been a reminder that I’m fat and have BEEN fat my whole life. So, I hate to feel like a quitter, for like the millionth time in the past few months, but I’m done with weight watchers. Theres just so much left to be desired. In the end, it really is calories in, calories out. Period. I can’t figure out what to do with the extra 49 points per week, I can’t figure out why I’m so scared to add olive oil to a salad bc I don’t want to put that amount of fat in the points calculator. And so many more things. I really really don’t like their tracking app because you can’t add multiple things at once. I need to have a way to add 4 things at once, that I’ve used recently, and instantly. Having to add one item at a time with the WW app is awful and demotivates me immediately. I need to stop worrying about the nitty gritty and go with calories, period. Which is why myfitnesspal is perfect and I need to just stick with it. I like tracking in it, its easy, and it’s super user friendly. On another ‘i’m a quitter’ note, remember how I signed up for Jillian Michaels website and they gave me a meal plan and work out plan? Yeah, haven’t been following that either. She had some stellar recipes on it, but I’ve already realized I’m done with ‘plans’. I’m done with someone telling me what to eat, what to ‘follow’, what I can and cannot have. I want to eat what I want to eat, figure out what feels good in my body, what doesn’t, and how to lose weight in the process.

And I know how- as Jillian Michaels says it, it’s science. Burn more than you take in. That means a few things.

I need to start tracking, and tracking honestly. I tend to track throughout the day, until dinner. Then Just sort of see where I’m at, and willy nilly have what seems to be a ‘reasonable’ dinner. But that plus a few snacks are adding up, I know they are. In a big way. I don’t know why I’m so willing to screw myself over like this. But anyway, I need to track, FOR REAL, and MEASURE. Meaning I’m going to have to plan. No more work oatmeal or work salad bar, because it isn’t an exact measurement. Meaning I’ll have to plan and pack my own stuff. It’ll be cheaper, and healthier, but dang I love being able to be lazy about it. Bad habit I desperately need to break. It’s tough because as I sit at work, eating my salad with cheese, bacon, and ranch that’s making me fat, everyone at work eating things MUCH worse for them than that say ‘wow you eat SO healthy!” LOL if they only knew!!

On top of needing to track, I need to get a number in my head that I want to try to stick to. Right now, I eat probably anywhere between 1400-1900 calories a day. I really NEED to be closer to 1400, but with my mindset, I get to the end of the day and am at 1300 and think ‘ok cool I’m good’ and go for whatever I want. Just, isn’t working. Like.. duh? Why am I surprised I’m fat/getting fatter? I’m not, it’s just frustrating. I’m frustrated with myself. 

So… lets talk numbers. My BMR (what I burn just breathing, no activity involved) is 1567.7. Therefore, if everyday I sat on my butt (which is pretty much accurate), and ate 1567.7 calories, I’d stay the same. What I would really like to do is start takin this weight off, full speed ahead. I’m talking a good 2-3 lb steady weight loss. To take off 2 lbs a week, I need to be burning 7,000 more calories than I eat a week (3500 calories in a pound, so 7000 calories in 2 lbs, so 1,000 calories burnt a day). 

So lets say I burn 1567 at rest. If I at that much a day, I’d need to straight up burn 1,000 calories, like, 1,000 calories of actual activity. Some sort of exercise. I walk at work anywhere from 2,000 steps on a slow day to 8,000-10,000 steps on a super crazy day. I can’t even plan for what sort of day it is, and really, in the end, I have ZERO clue how many calories I burn walking in a day at work. Even if I had a pedometer on that told me I walked 6,000 steps… who’s to say I could actually figure out how many calories that was? How fast was I walking? How hard was I working?

I need to take the guess work out of all of it. I need to make this thing fool proof and ridiculously simple. I picked up a heart rate monitor from McSports. You wear a watch that shows you your heart rate, and then calories burnt after a training session. You wear a chest strap, but it’s a really soft, cloth one unlike the one I Remember that was bulky, plastic and hard from high school. 

My plan is to try and track my food to a T, and track workouts with the heart rate monitor. The idea of burning 1,000 calories a day sounds daunting. Like… I’m pretty sure that’s probably going to have to be at least 2 sessions. And it’s making me think that cardio is going to be my best bet.  I know how important building muscle/weight training is, so I will definitely incorporate some of that, but I think I’m going to have to start doing at least 1 cardio session every day, probably more if I really want to get this weight off in a reasonable amount of time. Of course I could eat somewhere around 1300, and only have to burn 800… but yeahhhhh. Sigh. I’m thinking I’m going to have to start getting up early again before work and either doing a workout at home or going to the gym. Something that I don’t like, at all. But at this point, seriously, I need to decide whats important. Ideally, I’d like to think I could bust my ass for a few months, get a big chunk out of my weight off, and then be able to relax a bit on the possible 2 a day workouts. Yikes.

I’m trying to think about easy, healthy, go to meals I can take to work. I love oatmeal. When I’m at home, I can make traditional 5 minute oats and add fruit and strawberry protein powder. Problem is I would have to eat at 6 and then not possibly eat again until 11 or 12p. I’d possibly have a break, but I wouldn’t want to eat a SECOND big breakfast. If I eat the oatmeal and protein powder at home, then I’m going to have to take a very small snack option for mid morning. I also love overnight oats. The recipe I use is 1/2 cup oats with 1 cup almond milk, 1 cup blueberries and cinnamon. That might be a really good item for breakfast because I can take it with me and not be tempted by anything at work. I know thought that I’m going to want something hot occasionally. Maybe I can find some more recipes for overnight oats and make that my staple breakfast. The flexibility of having something at work AND not having already eaten a big breakfast might be key for me. 

I’m trying to think of good healthy lunch options. Something super easy, but yummy and satisfying. A banana with some peanut butter and veggies with hummus is a good easy option.  That could get boring fast though. Maybe turkey sandwiches, or lettuce wraps. Hmm.

Ok, I’m tapped out right now. I’m gonna attempt to start the 1,000 calorie burn tomorrow. We’ll see how that goes..

cheers

It’s a good day…

I’m having a pretty good day, and I just wanted to share some of my positive energy.

I’ve been looking through cook books, scourging websites, trying to find some easy, delicious and healthy recipes. There’s so much out there to the point that it’s a bit difficult to sift through. I’m looking at calories, points,  and macro ratios. 

I checked out Jillian Michaels website last night. For $4/week, you can join her community and have access to her videos, blog, recipes, workouts, etc. You even get a custom meal plan/workout guide to use. I honestly though… ok why the heck not. I signed up and after just one day I’m really glad I did. 

The meals for today so far have been DELICIOUS. I’ve also been tracking points and it all works together really well. 

Breakfast was 2 scrambled eggs with reduced fat cheddar, on a corn tortilla. It called for turkey bacon, which I didn’t have, and a flour tortilla, which I didn’t have. And I made it work.  

Lunch was the most DELICIOUS salad I have had in a long long time. It was a bed of mixed greens, with reduced fat feta, blueberries, red onions, cannellini beans, heirloom tomatoes, tossed with some raspberry vinegarette, topped with fresh cooked salmon. OMG delicious. WOW. Also, I cooked enough for my fiancé to have a portion for his lunch, and he liked it! He’s been wanting to start to work out, eat better and get fit, so I figured that everything I cook from the Jillian Michaels program, he can have it too. Why not? And so far, so good. A snack today was celery and almond butter. Dinner was a pork chop with a rub (brown sugar, onion powder, cinnamon, clove, paprika, garlic, cacao powder.. it was sort of mexican mole style with the cacao). It went with some brown rice and salsa. Talk about delicious. I had my fiancé fire up the grill before he left so I could eat dinner while he was out doing his baseball thing. He loves loves pork chops, and this is the first time I’ve made them in the entire 3 years we’ve been together. I think he’ll like ’em!

It’s been ok today eating three squares plus a snack. I’m actually kinda hungry, which to be perfectly honest, feel completely ok. I think I’ve been properly nourished today so I shouldn’t be getting any wicked hunger pains. It’s still early though… 

I printed out a grocery list and got some stuff to continue her recipes throughout the week. I took a look at her workout for the day and I think I might actually get motivated enough at some  point to do it. According to the website if I eat her recommended meals (Which shouldn’t be a problem), and do her workouts (gotta find the motivation), I should be at my ultimate goal of 145 lbs by the end of august. That’s incredibly hard to imagine. I mean…. That’s like…. 2.25 lbs per week. Ok, I guess it’s possible. That’s a lot of weight to lose consistently for 12 straight weeks though. If I could be anywhere near there, for my wedding, for having a baby in the next couple years, for the rest of my life… I feel like I could say ‘i would do anything’… so seriously, it can’t be that hard to follow a delicious healthy meal plan, track my crap, and work out. 

Today has been a busy day. I woke up early and made pancakes for the boys. I printed out my grocery list and made my egg taco breakfast. I headed to town. First I stopped at Lowe’s and got some organizing stuff for our garage. Then I headed to Kroger and got as much from the grocery list that I could find. It was mostly fresh fruits and veggies, lean meats, seafood and beans. All stuff that I love. I got home and unloaded the car and put away the groceries.  I made the delicious salmon salad I described earlier and Jason and I Sat down and enjoyed our food. I did the dishes, cleaned up the kitchen, vacuumed the house, cleaned the bathroom, mopped the floors, unpacked and organized all the clothes that I still had in boxes, cleaned up the master bedroom, and started dinner. Phewww. I feel accomplished but I still have a lot on my to do list. Including writing thank you cards to the people who gave us gifts at our bridal shower on May 4. UHG I have to do that, sooooon. This week! I also still have to cut the grass before the fiancé gets back.

It’s been a good day. Can’t wait to do SOME sort of physical activity before the night’s over…whatever it is I chose!

Cheers, to appreciating the good days among the struggle.

P90X3- Day…… ?

Sooooo….. after a week of not working out, at all…. I’m struggling way worse than I thought to get back on the band wagon.  Bad.

I did triometrics on Monday. It felt SO good to be back in the swing of it, sweating, burning. Tuesday rolled around and I was exhausted. I decided to take this as my day off (which usually Monday is my day off… so I was all out of whack). Then wednesday was a day off and so was yesterday. So here I am on friday, having only worked out once. I could catch up, by doing one today, and a double each saturday and sunday. Prooooobably not going to happen.

I’ve been spending my time with my fiancé, sleeping, researching strategies for Weight Watchers, cleaning the house, doing chores, etc etc. But heres the thing- P90X3 is 30 minutes. There is zero excuse. I can do all those things and STILL do a 30 minute P90X3 workout. Like.. no question. It’s about motivation. 

The bigger thing is that I feel myself losing confidence, slipping back towards the side of depression. The working out obviously helped up my endorphins, but I’m also just down about feeling like I quit and blowing it. I’m losing muscle tone. I know I’m losing cardiovascular tone.

I think honestly what really got me was the scale. I weighed myself on day 1, 168’ish. And then I didn’t weigh myself again. I was going to weigh myself on day 90. I knew I wasn’t dropping absurd amounts of weight as my clothes weren’t really “falling off” but I was seeing definite changes in my body in terms of shape and tone. That was exciting, and it was very easy to not let the idea of numbers that the scale would probably say getting me down.

Then I had my physical at work, in which I weighed in. Every number I got back in terms of my cholesterol, blood pressure,  blood sugar, even body fat, was fantastic. BF went from 33% to 31.5%. But that dreaded number on the scale got me. I had debated, as I walked into the little cubicle, to tell them to not tell me my weigh. I probably should have gone with that, because I think I would not have gotten derailed. I’d be right on track, and at the end of my final block of P90X3. I’d be as strong as ever, as confident as ever. I saw the number 172, and totally lost it. The highest number I’ve ever seen on a scale, and only a few short lbs away from the dreaded OBESITY category in terms of BMI. How. F*cking. Scary. 

What do I do with this? I’m trying really hard to make better choices, track my food, try my best to keep my intake reasonable, to get this stubborn ever growing weight off. The thing is…. even had I not been weighed for the physical, if I weighed in at Day 90, honestly it probably would have been AT LEAST 172, maybe higher. Lots of people say ignore the scale, throw the scale away, don’t pay attention to the scale… but I just CANT do that. Because THIS is what happens when I do that. 60 days later, and I’m obviously, according to the scale, eating WAY too much. I mean, according to myfitnesspal, yes, logically I knew I was probably eating more than I should, but I was feeling great and had confidence when I looked in the mirror. I feel like I Was just fooling myself. I look at pictures of myself at my bridal shower, a few days after that physical and when the scale yelled ‘ALMOST OBESE’ at me, and I think I look VERY big. Just, large. Wide. Stocky. Ew. Not how I was hoping I’d look as a bride in less than 5 months. Ouch.

I’m desperately trying to figure it out. 

I thought I finally had it figured out when I graduated from nursing school. It’s when I first started this blog. I moved home and spent my days sleeping in, doing 60 minutes of zumba and/or Just Dance on Wii, eating a cup of oatmeal, going to the mall first thing, walking about 3 miles worth of laps, heading home to eat a lunch of a banana with peanut butter OR veggies and hummus, studying for my boards, and then cooking dinner for my family. I was at a DREADED (almost) ALL TIME HIGH OF 155 lbs!! AHH!! SAY IT AINT SO!!! What I’d give to be 155 lbs right now. I slowly but steadily and consistently lost weight by that sort of life style, and an average of 1200-1300 calories a day. I thought I had it figured out. One morning I was woken up by the worst hunger pangs I had ever felt in my whole life. I was doubled over on the floor, curled up, covering my hands with my mouth so I didn’t wake up my parents with my whimpering. I thought I had a bowel obstruction or my appendix exploded. Nope, I was just starving, that was all. I thought I had it figured out.

Then I thought I had it figured out when I once again got up to about 158 lbs, and found beach bodies ultimate reset. I religiously ate what the program called for, and got down to 147. Some days equated to about 900 calories.. but I stuck to it! And I thought my life was changed forever. Here I am now 2 years later at 172lbs. I thought I had it figured out.

Calories in vs Calories out. It’s not that hard…. so… Why is it so hard? Because it’s more than calories in and calories out. I want to be able to EAT, but I can’t just eat like a normal person. Food is almost constantly on my mind. This morning I had breakfast, and, was totally satisfied, but wanted to eat more. I reached for a single serving of peanut butter from the company stock, and then a friend pulled me aside and started talking to me. While she showed me pictures of her kids and shared what’s going on in my life, it disgusts me to say my brain was still with the single serving of peanut butter that was sitting there…. calling my name. Un. Believable. Or… what it got to be 11 olcock (lunch time!), and I was starving but I knew it might be my only chance for food so I got a salad. I saw my friend sitting in the lunch room, casually texting, looking very relaxed. I asked her what she was doing and why she wasn’t getting lunch. She looked at me sort of confused and simply said ‘… i’m not hungry yet.’ What a novel idea… not eating… because you’re not hungry. I’m a mindless snacker. I just like food, and eating it. Even when I’m not hungry. And it’s making me fat. I have a fear of only eating 3 squares, because from 6 (breakfast) until noon (lunch), and noon until six (dinner) I might get too hungry and suffer from the horrendous hunger pains I tend to get if I get too hungry.  I have let hunger and fear of hunger pains take over, and now food controls me. 

When I got to 164 in college, quickly after when I got home and had an active summer job I dropped back to my high school weight of 142. When I got to 155 a few years back, I got back down to 145 through exercise and caloric restriction. A year after than when I got to 158, I got back down to 147 through the ultimate reset. And again, now here I am, at 172, shaking my head, and trying to figure it out. 

Calorie in vs Calorie out. Right?

Finding foods that I like and will eat, that won’t make me fat. Trying to figure out why food controls me and why I eat when I’m not hungry, and why in the heck do I get the stomach pain that I do if I don’t eat enough? Finding exercise that I’ll do consistently, not for 60 or 90 days, but for life. Fitting it all in, while being stressed, exhausted, learning a new job, having a new life, sharing my space with other people and kids that aren’t mine. I really want to become one of those people that food plays a minimal role in their life. A friend of mine at work, in her words, when it comes to food “could take it or leave it.” That BLOWS my mind. If she gets something for lunch, and doesn’t like how it tastes, she doesn’t eat it. And then she doesn’t eat. I just feel like I could never do that. I start eating and it’s like a frenzy going off in my mind  and mouth. And God forbid I don’t eat, because theres no way I could make it hunger pain free until the end of the day. Why not, though?

Ok, getting off of the super heavy for a second. As you know I picked up weight watchers again last week. I joined online last week tuesday, and decided to commit and start tracking/weighing in on thursday. I started at 172.8. A few days later I was down to 169 something and feeling pretty good about it. And then I ate out at an italian restaurant and the next day I was back to starting weight. When I weighed in at my official one week weigh in yesterday, I was 172.2. 

It’s a loss of 0.6 lbs. Which sounds great. But the problem with me when I get to a weight that I try REALLY hard to get away from, I just sit there. Up a lb, down 2, up 3, down 1… and on, and on and on and on. Hell, I need to lose the 2-3 they say you can expect to get somewhere decent by my wedding and like my pictures.

The thing is, I definitely struggled, which, doesn’t surprise me. I did NOT stay within my points for the week. I used all my daily points, plus the 49 extra you get for a week, plus an extra 20. I logged that I had earned 19 activity points, which you’re technically allowed to use. So REALLY, when it comes to it, I was only 1 point over for the week. And I lost about a half lb. If I had stuck to only my allotted 27 per day, plus maybe one or two days of a splurge, I’d probably see better results. I’m so afraid of getting into the getting too hungry thing that I just eat anything and everything, and above and beyond that which I’m allowed. Then I don’t see change, and I’m frustrated and surprised. LOL. It’s ludicrous. 

I’ve been trying to scale down my salads, scale down my breakfasts, and plan out something reasonable for dinner. I’ve been making an effort to cook more.

I don’t know how to change my thinking, my personality, to be a person that can ‘take it or leave it’, when it comes to food. I see these people, read these blogs, that woke up one day and decided this was the end of their bad habits, and they lose 30+ lbs, become ‘addicted’ to working out, eat ridiculously healthfully, and never have to look back. Why do I yo yo like I do? I’m so afraid that this is going to continue, and I’ll lose 20 or so lbs… then yo yo back up to what I am now, plus more. Uhg, it sucks. So. Bad. It kind of makes me think of the show Man Vs. Food with Adam Richman. If you’ve never seen it, this guy named Adam travels around the US and participates in food challenges. Eat this 8 lb burrito in 1 hour and get a free tee shirt. Eat 9 lbs of pizza and get your name on the wall. He was definitely a bit chunky (always cute, but chunky), and as soon as he quit the show, he lost a bunch of weight. And has kept it off. If I had a career of a food challenge participant, I would probably be obese well after that career ended. How do people do it?? Maybe I’m too bored. Maybe I need to get off the couch and not watch as much TV. I live in one of the smallest towns EVER that has very very minimal to do… and I’m on call close to 24/7, tethered to this city of nothing. Pathetic, I know.

Still trying to figure it out.

Took a Break

So as you recall from my last post, I hadn’t worked out all week and I was contemplating rejoining weight watchers to get the ever increasing number on the scale to stop it.

I started counting points on Thursday, and by Saturday I was back in the 160’s already. It was so exciting to see the scale go in the right direction. 

Counting points quickly brought back memories of past struggles that I’ve endured on this program. A few things. 

1. The ‘unlimited fruit’- WOW! REALLY? Eat all the fruit I want and still lose weight?? No kidding?! Yeaahh… Well let’s just say that I have to watch it. If you are someone who’s eating a terrible diet of no fruits or veggies, and just junk, and too much of it, all day long… I can see how unlimited fruit would be a great way for a better healthy lifestyle and weight loss. For me, where I already eat decently healthy and eat fruits and veggies, it could be a *hinder* to my weight loss. The idea of unlimited fruit is incredibly exciting to me. Fruit is delicious, filling, sweet and healthy. I guess I just need to be smart about it. I need to eat the bulk of my fruit in the morning. I need to not have more than 1, maybe 2 bananas a day. For the past couple days, I’ve been eating a very heart breakfast of blueberries, raspberries, strawberries, a banana, oatmeal and protein powder, for technically 6 points. Between the whole grains, protein, and tons of fruit, it has kept me pretty full until lunch time. I’m going to try to have that for breakfast this week before I go to work so I have control of one meal I’m eating. If I get a break in the morning, I might take some more fruit, or a piece of toast, something small. I also need to pack my own lunches, although last week I found myself being able to have a few good options from the cafeteria like baked chicken, steamed veggies, etc, that I normally don’t gravitate towards. 

2. I go over my points. Every. Day. I have 27 points daily to spend and an extra 49 to eat in a week. When I did weight watchers last time, I would eat my 27 in a day, and then an extra “X” number of points per day from the 49 week allowance. It worked in the beginning, but then didn’t after a few weeks. I found myself getting to the last few days of the week, and having no extra weekly points to spend, and being bound to the daily allowance. And then I’d panic, and eat more points. I’d try to exercise, and use those points, and that just never works. For example, here I am, Sunday, with four days left in my week, and I only have 13 extra points left. If you do the math, I’ve been eating way more than my daily allowance every day, and now I have an average of about 3 weekly extras per day….. yeah.. On that note though.. Thursday morning I was 172.8 and by Saturday morning I was 169.something.  Not bad, and to me that said its working. I’ve definitely been finding myself eating way healthier and lower calorie snacks instead of heavy stuff in between meals, like air popped popcorn, unsweetened applesauce, sugar free jello and fruit. 

A slight snag. Yesterday I was feeling so good about seeing the 160’s on the scale, in just a few days. Then we went out on our date night. We started a tradition recently, due to so much time spent apart bc of our schedules, that on either friday, saturday or sunday of every week, we will have date night at a local italian restaurant we love. We usually do a glass of wine, bread sticks, salad, split an appetizer or entree and split a dessert. It probably doesn’t sound very conducive to weight loss, but by God I am GOING to make date night work. So we went last night. I had a small glass of wine, a side salad, 1.5 breadsticks, half of a sampler appetizer (few bites each of lasagna and a ravioli), and 1/2 a piece of carrot cake. Still ends up being quite a few points, but not as many as if you were to splurge on all of those items yourself without splitting. I’m lucky to have a guy in my life that has no problem splitting things with me. Anyway…. I felt pretty good about it. Drank a lot of water. We even ate pretty early, about 5pm, to ensure that the next morning weigh in wouldn’t be as affected opposed to a late night feast. I get on the scale today… right back where I started! 172. something. UHG. So… it makes me wonder. Do I gain weight like that overnight because of.. the carbs? A dessert? A glass of wine? Salty restaurant food in general?Because I haven’t had a bowel movement yet before I weighed in? I don’t know. But I’m going to stick to counting points for the rest of the week and do my best to not go over that daily/weekly allowance, despite how hard I know it’ll be. It’s always hard in the beginning. When I first started 21 day fix a few months ago, the first week sucked and I felt like I was gaining. Then magically my body started changing for the better, and life was great. 

In terms of working out…. I took the week off. And I’m ok with it. Am I a little disappointed in myself and feel like I was just lazy? Yes. Absolutely. Am I going to beat myself up? No, I’m not. This isn’t about 90 days, it’s about the rest of my life. Sooo… in the short term, finishing a program in 97 days instead of 90? I’m considering that a win. I’m going to pick back up with where I was (transition week) tomorrow, which should be a good ease back into things. Then I’ll be able to finish out the last block of it strong. I really needed to get a handle on my diet. I feel like I slightly went into crisis mode. Defcon 1. Now that I feel like I have a system in place, and I got it in place quickly.. I can move on with things. Hopefully for the last block I’ll really start seeing some weight loss at the same time of seeing some major sculpting and muscle building. I’m excited to finish out P90X3. And, now that I have healthy habits back in my corner again, on a good, high, strong note. I have confidence, once again, that I can do this.

In terms of weight watchers, I have to say that I love a program that I really am allowed to eat whatever I want. I think I’ve figured out that I seek out these programs that tell me exactly what to eat, when, and how much, and though I thrive on them for a short while, for me it’s not a lifetime solution. I wish it was, but it’s just not. I DO eat decently healthy, and I need to have the flexibility in my life to have a date night with my future husband and enjoy a glass of wine and dessert. I need to know that holy cow I can’t pass up that cookie, and I haven’t had one in 2 months, so, ok, yup I can do it. Just count it. I like how it gives me this flexibility, but also definitely pushes me in the direction of healthier choices. Whether I want to admit it or not, weight watchers really in a lot of ways, is a great program for me. 

I’m thinking about what I want to do next in terms of working out when this program is done. I could go back and re do it. But I think I need a change. I would really like to get Les Mills Combat. I’ve read so much good stuff about it. But what I think I’m seeing in my future is running (I signed up for a 5k … I think July 19… which will give me plenty of time to get through the C25k program.. if I start soon!), maybe Brazillian Butt lift as it’s just sitting on my shelf and costed me good money, and yoga. That sounds like a pretty good routine. I don’t think it’ll be quite as intense as P90X3, well I know it won’t. I’ll have to set up some sort of schedule to keep myself on track. The C25K program is 3 times a week for 8 weeks. I’m not sure how many days a week the Brazillian Butt Lift program is, I’ll have to check. I should do yoga at least once a week, maybe more. I really really want to try hot yoga, but the closest one is downtown, about an hour away. They recommend doing 2-3 classes a week, which isn’t realistic for me to drive. I’d love to try at least one class though and see what I think. 

Welp.. cheers, to the process 🙂

P90X3- Day 53

Today is day 53 and I have a massive confession to make- I haven’t worked out since sunday morning.

AHHHHHH!!!!

Wellllp… I got back in town incredibly late sunday night. Upon arrival at 11pm (and a REALLY long day of the bridal shower plus 5 hour drive), we unloaded all the gifts from the car so my friend (who drove) could get home. I got to bed at probably midnight. The alarm went off at 5 as I had to be at work at 6:30 for an open heart case. It was a really long day. I was so physically and mentally tired I could barely think straight. I got home (FINALLY) at about 3 (I think? it all runs together…) and I felt ill I was so tired. I hit the couch and got up at about 6pm. I spent a little time with my fiancé and then it was an early bed time for me. I decided that my rest day would be monday again, as it has been for a while. After long weekends that I work out both days, having my rest day on monday, I’ve come to decide, is totally ok. Anyway, Tuesday, I fully intended to resume my workout schedule. It was again a very long day as 1. We got an emergency heart case that was incredibly scary, incredibly stressful… it went ok, but it took a lot out of me. After work, we had a baseball game. After the baseball game, the fiancé and I spent a little time together, Just us!! for the first time in a while, and midway through our On Demand Marathon, working out didn’t seem like it was going to happen. I figured i’d double up- I’ve done it before, I can do it again. No biggie. Beside this is transition week for me. Then wednesday came. My day at work wasn’t too crazy. I had a dentist appointment after work (an hour away) to get my teeth professionally whitened. I’ve been wanting to do this for a while, and in light of my wedding, it was time. I have pretty sensitive teeth, but they assured me that if I used their fluoride toothpaste 2-3 times a day for a week before (which I did), it wouldn’t be too bad. Welllll…. when I was done with the treatment around 4:45, and headed back to town to make it to the nurses appreciation week dinner work was throwing…. my mouth started to hurt. I was getting little zingers here and there that REALLY were something else. I have a pretty high pain tolerance, so I Wasn’t crying by any means, but it woke me up a little. I wasn’t able to drink anything cold at the dinner, but in hindsight I was totally. It was upon getting home around 8:30 that the pain sky rocketed through the roof. I mean, it went from an occasional zinger in one tooth to ALL of my teeth having a constant aching pain, probably a 6 out of 10 pain. And it kept getting worse. I applied a relieving gel the dentist office gave me, but it didn’t help. By that point, it was to an 8 out of 10 pain and all I wanted to do was either rip my teeth out of my skull or go to sleep. I took 2 tylonel, 2 ibuprofen, a natural sleep aid and hit the couch. I was able to sleep on and off for about an hour, and come about 10pm the pain was just short of a 10 out of 10 and I dragged myself to bed. My poor fiancé knew something was wrong, but I wasn’t saying much other than telling him right when I got home that my teeth were starting to hurt and only getting worse. I din’t want to move, open my mouth, talk, or anything that involved anything other than remaining absolutely still. The other truth is that I was trying to meditate through it. I was trying to concentrate as best as I could on my breathing (which was highly increased) and if that didn’t work, I was trying to focus on the humming of the air filter we run at night. The pain was awful and it was really hard to not toss and turn. I remained still, and slept on and off throughout the night. I was so relieved when I woke up around 6am that the pain had become much less intense and was probably a four out of 10. It was by some miracle going to be bareable at work. The pain continued to lessen with each passing hour and by about noon it was completely gone. Whew! 

So here I am, Thursday, Day 53… and it’s been four days since I’ve worked out. LOL Seriously?!

Oh a few more bombs to drop on ya as well. I finally bit the bullet and hopped on the scale today for the first time in… probably 2 months. And yup, just as my physical screening last week screamed at me…. 172.8. Holy. Moses. I weigh as much as my 5’11” father. How EMBARASSING. If I wasn’t five months before my wedding, this would be slightly less daunting and traumatizing, but it would still be pretty awful. The thing about me is that I gain weight, easily, and it is SOO hard to lose it. I got desperate and re enrolled myself into weight watchers. The last time I did it, I went to meetings. I loved it, but no, I refuse to go to weight watchers meetings in the insanely small town I now reside in. No way. There’s also an uncomfortable pressure about getting on the scale and having someone, even a stranger, see what my results were. The dreaded “+3” or “+1.5″… looking at the person weighing you in.. feeling like you let them down, like they have to awkwardly think of something to say. But what happens when it says you’ve gained consistently for a few weeks? You totally just feel like a joke, a lost cause. And can’t help but think the lady weighing you in just feels pity for you. So anyway… say hello to your newest Online Weight Watcher!! AquaOats!! (smh). Oh well. I’m hoping it’ll get me on track, and my weight going in the right direction. It cannot go up anymore. It just can’t. I am someone who obsesses about my weight. I’ve struggled with my weight since I Was 12. I remember events by how much I weighed. Sounds kind of pathetic, but i know I’m not alone in this. Anyway…. I try to stay off the scale and become less “number crazy”… but this is what happens when I stay away from the scale- I gain. And I gain a lot. And then I struggle, a lot. I just do better when I weigh myself often, as much as every day, as crazy as that sounds. And I think I just need to start doing that again. So, today, my Day 1, was 172.8. Sucks, but as far as I’m concerned, that’s the highest it’ll ever be and I can only go down from here. 

So, going down this weight watchers road for a second, I’m supposed to eat 26 points per day (points are based on fat, carbs, fiber and protein), and then you also have an allotted 49 point extra allowance per week. This is not new to me. When I did this a couple years ago, I found myself having issues staying even close to 26 points per day (if you can imagine that?! *sarcasm*). I would always eat all 49 extra points, and usually more. Despite that, I steadily lost about 1-1.5 lbs per week for about 5 weeks, and then I went on fourth of july vacation up north with my family, and came back having put all of it back on. From that point on, the new 3-4 weeks or however long I lasted, I gained a little, lost a little, gained a little, lost a little. I really want to try to follow the program to a T this time, because weight watchers is a proven method of weight loss. It really works. For millions of people. Because it’s based upon watching your portions, encouraging you to eat healthier options, and exercise. It’s so strange- when I have a concrete plan like this that I’m following, I just make much better choices. Like today for breakfast, I wanted bacon (a huge usual temptation for me), but knowing that bacon is at least 2 points a piece, nope. Not worth it. For lunch, I wanted my typical salad loaded with cheese, fried bits, and ranch.. but I got the baked chicken with vegetables, broth based soup and fruit. I stayed strong after work and despite being incredibly hungry (FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A WHILE!! WIN!), I waited through errands, grocery shopping and driving home, and finally indulged in a carefully calculated subway sub. Fruit for dessert. Not. Bad. 

Looking through a couple WW apps I downloaded, I picked up some snacks that were, to the best of my ability, something I would eat, low points, AND decently healthy. I got some no sugar added fruit cups, some jello (not the best, but I’ll eat it and it’ll be nice with fruit), and some air pop popcorn. I got some whole wheat pasta, some organic low salt soups and pasta sauces, shrimp with cocktail sauce, and other easy, reasonable point ingredients to make dinners for the next few days. 

I’m excited to have friday, saturday and sunday completely open and free. We have one baseball game (maybe two.. hmm) but other than that, I’ll be able to cook, relax, work out, do laundry, and just get stuff done. 

We got a dehydrator at the shower, and I’m very excited to start using it. I’m hoping I’ll be able to make some crispy, delicious healthy snacks (I’m thinking apple crisps, sweet potato chips.. mm) as salty crunchy things tend to be (one of) my downfall. I have no clue how to use a dehydrator, so it’ll be a learning curve.

I hope everyone is hanging in there and not struggling as badly as I am! 

cheers… to the continuous learning curve along the journey of health… and pearly whites! 😀

P90X3- Day 51… and my failing diet

I know, I know… I pretty much fell off the face of the earth. But here I am!! For better or worse!

Feels like worse lately. Not to be a huge downer, but I just gotta be raw, honest, and sort through some thoughts real quick. Bare with me.

Last week was my last week of block 2. This week is transition week. My goal was to do all the workouts as scheduled. Did that happen? Nooooope. Did I get them all done by the end of the week? Yes, absolutely. In the right order, and every day as it should have been? No. I took a rest day on Monday, which seems to be a pattern… and then ended up taking another day of rest at some point later in the week. So I found myself having to double up, again. The worst part about all of it was that I had a ridiculously busy week… appointments out of town, baseball games, and then on Saturday I headed to the Detroit area (home sweet home!) with my fiancé and a friend for my wedding shower. So needless to say, I was a bit stressed and knew I had a ton of stuff to cram in to only a few hours.

Sunday morning, my fiancé, friend and mom and dad were upstairs in the kitchen visiting, talking, laughing, and getting ready for the shower while I did P90X3 downstairs. It was REALLY hard. I wanted to skip it and spend time with my family I hardly ever get to see, especially with my fiancé and friend there as well. But I bit the bullet and did it. 

I’m feeling like my poor eating habits lately are beginning to seriously sabotage my results. It’s not that I’m not continuing to get stronger, and continue to see muscles develop, but I’m starting to get the bloat, fleshy, gaining weight feeling/look right now. 

I had my employee health physical this past week. It’s the little check up you have to get in order to qualify for company insurance. They take your height, weight, BMI, blood pressure, cholesterol, blood sugar, and body fat. I haven’t gotten on the scale since I Started this journey but back in the beginning I was 166.5 lbs. I used fat calipers the best I could and got a body fat of 33%. I wanted to start going towards my ultimate goal of 145lbs. When I got on the scale at the physical last week, I was 172.5. I pretty much had a coronary. 172.5? I’ve never seen the 170’s and never wanted to. Now, I guess I should consider the fact that it was a different scale, I was wearing clothes, and I hadn’t had a bowel movement in a couple days. However… Really? Am I really 1. up that much weight? and 2. Pushing my BMI to almost OBESE? Really? Holy. Crap. 

What’s interesting though, is that my body fat was 31% (2% lower than I started, if all calculations were right), my blood pressure was normal (as usual), my over all cholesterol was the best that it’s been in a while (169, high cholesterol runs in my family despite very healthy people), my bad cholesterol went down and my good cholesterol was normal, my glucose was great. The problem with being obese is that it is usually accompanied by diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, etc. But here I am, physiologically insanely healthy… except for my stupid BMI. OMG I could just scream!

A part of me isn’t shocked though. Ok, well, yes I am shocked that I’ve (if its true) in fact gained weight because my eating hasn’t been perfect. I figured I’d be holding steady in the high 160’s still, but the gain took me by surprise.  It’s frustrating to get a good report in terms of your heart, pressure, sugar, etc.. and feel like you’re a completely failure due to a few gained pounds.

But for me, it’s beyond a few gained pounds. I’ve always struggled with my weight, always, since I was 12 years old. I held steady in the 140’s in high school, which I thought was incredibly fat. I held steady in the 150’s in college, which I thought was even more fat. In the past few years I’ve held steady in the 160’s, which has felt completely unacceptable. When I saw the 170’s… yeah. I’m 5’4″… despite my large frame I should be no bigger than 150 lbs. And with my wedding 5 months away…. holy. cow.

I know what my problem is. I eat too much. I eat more calories than I need to in a day, and I eat when I’m not hungry. I go through these weird phases where I have a lot of control over what and how much I eat, and then I go through these (Awful) phases that my will power is terrible and it’s as if I almost have zero control over what goes in my mouth, when and how much. 

I’m trying to figure out why.

A part of it I think is my job. My job is hugely unpredictable when it comes to breaks, when I’ll be able to eat, when I won’t. Sometimes I get breakfast break, sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I eat lunch at 11, sometimes I eat at 1:30, sometimes I don’t. Most of the time I get off at 3, sometimes I don’t. I feel like when I get a chance to eat, I need to eat, and eat a lot. Even if I just ate recently, because who knows when I’ll get to eat again…. despite the fact that I usually do have an idea of when I’ll eat again.  It’s hard because I wake up at 5:30, 6am. I have to be out the door by 6:40. I’m on the clock and going at 7am. So, my chance to eat a totally predictable breakfast is at 6:20am’ish. If I get lunch at 11, that’s close to 5.5 hours later. Even if I eat before I leave, if I get a chance to eat at work before 11, I do because I’m scared I’ll get too hungry. Sometimes I’ll eat a breakfast at 6:20, and then not even be hungry at 9am, but get a chance to take a break and eat, and so I’ll eat. Then 2 hours later someone comes to give me lunch, so I eat again. Then I get home at 3pm and I’m mentally exhausted and feel the need (a lot of times not physical) to eat, and so I do. I mean, it really isn’t a mystery, I’m just having a hard time figuring out how to make this better. Maybe I need to always eat breakfast at 6:20am and then have some sort of low calorie snack on hand at all times for those 9am times that I will (likely) get a break and want to eat, whether I’m truly really hungry or not. It would be really nice to eat with my fiancé later in the day when he’s home from work or baseball, but I always feel like I can’t make it. I get home and have to eat. Maybe having another low calorie snack at that point would carry me through. I also have not been cooking dinner at all, which might help.

I’ve been trying to figure out a meal plan, diet plan, something that would work for me. I’m trying to figure out WHAT I WANT. I would love to be a full fledged whole foods plant based vegan. I truly think that is, after doing a ton of research, the best way to live and eat. But I find that in the end, it truly isn’t what I want. It just isn’t what I am finding myself being able to stick to. For me, I think a diet consisting of something like oatmeal and fruit in the morning, salad at lunch, and a sandwich or yogurt and whole grain cereal, or a piece of chicken, for dinner, is more doable and what I find myself gravitating towards. On a whole foods, plant based diet, it’s like…. whole foods juices and smoothies, fruits, veggies, rice, beans, lentils, and the like. Soo…. I hate to say it.. but kinda boring I think what I stated as what I gravitate towards is most certainly a decently healthy way to live, but I just have to clean it up, make it better, and watch my calories. I would like to be a person that sticks to mostly grains, fruits, veggies, lentils, rice, and beans, and not have to count calories. But that just isn’t me. It’s not working. I have a pretty good idea of what’s healthy, I do love healthy foods, and I think I can do this. I really just have to get my calories and portions in check. My obvious choices are weight watchers (portion control) and myfitnesspal (calorie counting). I remember when I was in weight watchers when I was 12, my team leader told me that she had successfully lost 40 lbs, counts points every day, and will continue to count points every day. That is super daunting to me, but maybe thats my destiny and the way I’m going to be able to control my food portions. This is really hard stuff!!!

I have 39 days left of P90X3. I have 5 months (minus 2 days) until the wedding. And I have hopefully 60+ years left of my life (yes, I’m going to be a centurian 🙂 ). I’m hoping it’s not too late. 

Cheers… to always learning, always trying, and always making an effort for a healthy life.

P90X3- Day 40+41

Man, this week has been a STRUGGLE, friends!! A STRUGGLE!!

I missed a workout earlier this week, purposely, thinking that I would use it as my rest day. Well…. I found myself today, having THREE WORKOUTS to go before sunday night. What in the world happened?

Well, yesterday, I had a long day at work followed by rushing home to clean the house. My fiancé is the coach of a youth baseball league (which take quite a bit of his time) and we were (apparently) having the whole team over to build the float for the opening day parade. I’m a bit shy around new people. This is a small town and I’m the new girl, and it intimidates me. A lot. This was majorly out of my comfort zone. We had about an hour of free time before people started arriving, and instead of working out, I got stressed out and decided to take a nap. I think I needed it, but working out could have been an option too….. (…bueller?..) So we had about 10 parents over and even more kids. I was very overwhelmed at first, but it ended up being ok. We built the float and it was actually a pretty good time. The mom’s were all nice and made efforts to introduce themselves, include me, etc. Jason was off playing whiffle ball with the kids. He has a tendency to sort of, leave, and get totally engrossed in the sport, kids, team, etc when anything baseball is going on. So I sort of have to fend for myself. Being a bit introverted, this is tough. But I’m doing my best. Anyway, the float building was ok, and it turned out great. Afterwards, jason and I finally got some time together and we sat down on the couch and were able to just talk, cuddle, relax. Working out didn’t happen.

That’s how I arrived today with three workouts left. Jason comes home from work and usually is on the hone for at least an hour, talking with parents, other coaches, etc. We just really haven’t had a lot of quality time together, so its pretty easy for me to want to just spend the last few hours of the day cud ding on the couch instead of heading into the other room to do my workout. I need to re-prioritize and just make it work. In the end, I am making it work and it always gets done, at least by the end of the week. But having two days go by this week without having worked out just felt like I took three weeks off. I need to work on my consistency because I know that’s the most important thing and that’s what gets it done. 

So today we had the actual parade early this morning. Our float won!!! WOO HOO!! Free baseball tickets to a minor league game down town 😀 The parade was opened by youth baseball opening ceremonies, which was pretty fun and then we had our game. After our game (and we won :D.. it’s so fun to see the kids win), we went out to eat. Afterwards we came back and relaxed, took a nap, watched a movie, it was nice to spend some time together. I felt myself falling into the trap once again of wanting to not work out and just continue to be lazy with my partner. I realized, ok sooo if I don’t work out now, and do at least one work out, I’ll find myself in a situation of having three left tomorrow on Sunday. And it won’t get done. I don’t want a week to go by that I miss a workout in the end. So I finally got off the couch, and decided to do one workout, at least, and maybe another one if I Was feeling good. Either way, I knew I needed to do two today and one tomorrow, or vice versa.

I had three to pick from- MMX, incinerator and eccentric lower.  MMX is huge cardio. Incinerator is huge upper body. And lower is, well, yup lower. MMX sounded daunting, and I didnt want to screw myself with doing incinerator the day before Upper eccentric again this week, so I went with incinerator and lower body. Soooo, I basically just killed both my upper body and lower body. I am ‘a hurting right now something fierce! But it’s good! I’ll be good to go tomorrow for MMX. And then I’m setting a goal for myself to do all the workouts, AS SCHEDULED, next week. Next week marks the half way mark- Wednesday is day 45! I’m doin’ it! I just want to do it better!!

Cheers, to your health, and the journey 🙂

Ooooo.. ps- I made a delicious green smoothie today in my Vitamix with spinach, kale, lemons, apples and a banana, all organic. So. Good. I need to do this more often.

PSS- I’m watching UFC right now and they’re showing one of the fighters warming up, and he totally is doing moves I’ve been doing in P90X3. Awe-some.

P90X3- Day 38 and 39!

Today is Day 39. 

I had eccentric upper body on Monday, which I did despite being still SO sore from incinerator from the day before. Tuesday I decided to take my day of rest. Yesterday I did trio metrics, and dang it kicked my butt. Felt like it kicked my butt worse than it did last week for some reason. So today I will do yoga, tomorrow will be eccentric lower, saturday will be MMX, and sunday will be incinerator. This is a TOUGH block!! But I can definitely see how this block is focusing much more intently on building muscle. 

Things are quite busy around here. The youth baseball team will be coming over tomorrow to work on the team float that will be in the parade I believe on Saturday. Tonight is opening day, and I have to be at the game at 7:15. I should really get my workout over before I head out so I can get in bed earlier than I have been. That’s been a big problem. I got really frustrated last night because I thought I had lost track of my workouts so far this week (which, I didn’t. Tracked on my phone, but just had a moment..). And also, I’ve been finding myself just wanting to spend time with my fiancé that has been few and far between lately due to baseball coaching. Working out still HAS to be a priority. And it is, I’m just struggling with motivation. But I keep on trucking 🙂

Cheers… just keep swimming…

P90X3- Day 34, 35, 36 and 37!!

Hello Hello!! I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday weekend. I had a very very busy one, but a GREAT one.

So where we left off was friday… and I had three workouts to finish by sunday night- incinerator, MMX and eccentric lower. First and foremost, I DID IT! I didn’t miss a workout, despite being gone for the weekend. So here’s how it went.

Friday night I did Eccentric Lower, which was awesome. Loved it. I love doing squats and lunges until the cows come home. Lord knows I need it and I can feel myself getting stronger and stronger.

Saturday, I got up early and made sure that the easter bunny’s eggs stayed put until everyone was awake. Once all three boys were up and going, we had the easter egg hunt which was so fun. The kids loved it. After the hunt, I cooked up some pancakes and bacon for breakfast while the kids dyed eggs. My fiancé and the two boys were supposed to take off at 11am for a baseball thing, while I was supposed to head home to Detroit to spend easter with the family. One of the kiddos got sick, so I stayed home an extra few hours until Jason got back to be with him so I could get on the road. It allowed me time to do MMX. What a kick butt workout!! Being a black belt myself, I loved loved loved it. Basically a half hour of martial arts combinations, getting more and more tricky as you progress. Think Jab/hook/cross… repeat. Repeat. By the end you were doing Jab/Cross/Sprawl/hook/uppercut/sprawl/elbow/elbow. LOL. Inevitably I had to watch the first couple to try and understand what the heck was going on. It was super intense. Had a few moments I started feeling a bit light headed and pukey, but I made it. I was on double duty, as I tried to work out and tried to check in on the kid frequently. When I had about 10 minutes left, he asked if he could ask me a question. I said sure, and continued to work out. And he talked to me the rest of the work out. It was hard to focus on both, but I made it work. I showered, packed, and got on the road by about 1:30. I met up with my parents in Detroit for dinner, then headed back to their place.

Sunday I woke up early to finish out my workouts for the weeks with incinerator. I had no clue what it was going to be. I figured it would be something like accelerator, or CVX. I was wrong lol. It was very very intense on the upper body. I sort of screwed myself big time with re arranging the workouts like I did because I am now hurting BAD from incinerator, and I’m scheduled for eccentric upper today. I’m tempted to switch things around again, but I think I just need to power through it and get myself back into the workout sequence the plan calls for. They probably have it a certain way for a reason. But anyway, incinerator was a really really hard upper body workout, harder than eccentric upper thats for sure. My mom is super impressed that I’m doing an extreme fitness program, so she asked if she could watch me do it. No pressure right?! Love her and always want to impress her, so I did my best, and then some. Whoa, it was hard. I modified a lot of the moves, but really hung in there. She was proud, which always makes me happy 🙂 She then bragged to family that we saw later on at our get together about how strong I am. She is so cute 🙂 My happiest moments are when I see my parents proud of me. Anyway, I found out that one of my cousins husbands is doing P90X3 at this time too!!! Crazy coincidence! I think he’s on day 20 something. It’s cool to know other people are out there experiencing what I am.

Today is Week two of Phase two. Gosh, it’s seriously flying. Day 37. Can’t wait to get to Day 45, half way through!!! I don’t know if after the 90 days I want to start over, or get Les Mills Combat, or do a combo of both. Or branch out to something else. This program is definitely working for me, so it’s hard to think of changing up, or fixing something that isn’t broke, if you will.

Food is still less than stellar. Something I really want to start doing is adding back in green smoothies. Like, vitamix, whole leafy greens, apples, etc, hard core smoothie. What would be totally ideal is if I worked out in the morning, and had a green smoothie for an early breakfast, recovery meal. Unless I’m sleeping by 9, I cannot get up early. And that really ends up cutting into my day/evening. Still trying to figure it out!

Hope your journey is going very well, whether you’re doing P90X3, training for a marathon or a 5k, or getting into a walking routine. Any healthy eating tips and tricks you can offer, I’m open to suggestions!! Quick easy meals, rules to live by, etc etc. I’m always open to hear what y’all have to say!

Cheers to your health, complimentary of mother Earth! Happy Earth Day!

P90X3- Day 33

The days are just ticking away seemingly so fast.

I THINK i’ve (just about) gotten over my fitness slump. I managed to catch up a little yesterday by doing YogaX in the morning, and Triometrics in the evening. It took a LOT for me to get up and do trio metrics. It was like, standing at the edge of a pool, or on the dock of a lake, knowing its going to be REALLY uncomfortable, and really not wanting to jump in. But everyone else is doing it. And you know it’ll be good for you. And maybe, just maybe, you might enjoy it a little.

It really wasn’t that bad!! I avoided it for days, and really, it was ok. Was it tough, YES. Warrior or Accelerator tough? No way. For 30 minutes, you do one different move, each for one minute. During that 60 seconds, you do three different levels of difficulty, each for 20 seconds. I mostly stayed with the easiest modification, sometimes going on to the next difficult, but rarely to the third most difficult. There was a lot of balance moves, such as standing on one foot and bending down in a lunge/touching the floor/other craziness. My glutes and quads were screaming, and it’ll be awesome when I get better and better at this particular work out. It’s really a true testament of your fitness and flexibility. It did get frustrating because there were some exercises that even the easiest modification required zero touching of your one foot to the floor, and I had to touch my foot to the floor for almost the whole 60 seconds!!! At one point I actually yelled out “come ON!!!!” LOL. I’m still strong, I’m still getting ripped, I’m still getting better. It’s all good. 

So as of now I’m one work out behind. Given my mental roadblocks and exhaustion this week, I consider this a win. I may potentially be traveling this weekend for easter, meaning it might be a bit of a challenge to work out. Between now and the end of Sunday, I need to finish Eccentric Lower, Incinerator and MMX. I need to do at least one work out tonight and then either do a double tomorrow before we leave for home at 7pm, or take my workouts with me and do MMX on sunday to finish the week out. 

The food front has still been a struggle. I had an awful, awful day today. I ALMOST cried at work under all the pressure, but I didn’t. I stayed strong. Slammed a couple phones, but over all kept it together. I was craving diet coke today. BAD. I haven’t actually craved diet coke in a long time. Have I thought, hey that would probably taste good right now..? Yes. But I haven’t actually had a sensory experience due to thoughts and emotions related to my desire for a diet carbonated beverage. I have with my right now a diet snapple raspberry tea, which is SO cheating because it has aspartame in it like diet coke does… but it’s not my favorite. I probably won’t finish the whole bottle, and it’s not going to landslide into an uncontrollable unleashing of the flood gates that would be the return of drinking diet coke. I had a cupcake and a bit of apple pie today. (shaking head). They were both DELICIOUS! Worth it? I don’t know.. still trying to decide. Which means probably not. 

I still cannot believe how just like that my butt is no longer, for the first time in 29 years, a huge problem area for me anymore. It’s lifted, firmer, less cellulite, and just, cute. I’ve spent 29 years hating it, and now it just is almost a non issue. How did this happen? With 55 million squats and lunges in the past 33+21 days (P90X + 21 day fix). If thats what it takes, that’s what I’ll do, no question. It’s frustrating though, as it has definitely lead to me focusing on other parts of my body I never really thought I had an issue with, like my stomach. But now I just want that layer of fat GONE due to all the crunches and core work I’m putting in. Hey, maybe no more cookies, apple pie and cup cakes is a good start? Duh. I really am still searching for a reasonable ‘meal plan’ that I can follow, that works with my preferences, food allergies, work out demands, etc. One that has enough things in it that I really do enjoy, but won’t get sick of, and still is healthy. Why is this so hard for me. I’m really looking forward to the day I truly figure this out.

I think I’ve talked about this before, but my fiancé and I have until recently nixed the idea of having children of our own, as he has his own 2. I’ve never been one to have a motherly instinct… Until now. It hit me like a ton of bricks. Being so close to marriage, I just suddenly want to have a baby with this man. I want to have a relationship with a little one like my mom and I have. My fiancé was a bit less excited about the idea than I was, but today we had a conversation and I think he’s getting on board. Actually, he seemed excited about it today. So this is exciting! We talked about potentially starting to try in the middle-end of summer of 2015. Wowzer. Big changes 🙂

Only MORE reasons for me to keep fighting for my health!!!

Cheers!! Your health matters to more people than just you 🙂